a brief hello

y’all remember the days of livejournal & tumblr? pouring your heart out in melodramatic journal entries while some angsty music blared over blasted speakers? (for me, i believe it was linkin park & the red jumpsuit apparatus.) remember when your thoughts felt massive like they might engulf you? and how, despite that harrowing feeling, it was safe?

once upon a time, i had a blog. i kept multiple journals, sketchbooks, & locked diaries. i had read in some psych journal that the act of writing across a page, from left to right repeatedly calmed the brain. apparently, i took it to heart. at some point, the tangible turned digital. i don't remember when i stopped documenting everything in such detail and honesty but i've been feeling like i need to start again.

who knows if this is another short-lived idea fueled by my ADHD and nostalgia or if it's something i’ll actually end up committing to. i guess we’ll find out.

for the time being though, hi. welcome to the blog.

i have some shit i wanna say. or rather, things i need to process and get out of my system. instagram isn’t really the place for it anymore. i’m not sure i’m committed enough for patreon either. so, here we are, me and my feelings at 2am.

this is essentially an extension of my poetry page, just way more intimate and lengthy and terribly informal. i’m writing the way i used to, as honestly as i can, to get back in touch with the parts of myself i’ve been neglecting. this writing style is more or less reflective of my wounded teenage self who held the weight of the world on their shoulders, turning to poetry and music just to make it hurt a little less. i’m not worrying about coming across as cringe (though, it totally will be cringe) or keeping my language pristine—this is for me and whomever these words might resonate with.

the purpose of these ramblings is not to garner any sort of pity or intentionally make anyone sad. this space is for me, to show up for myself. while i totally acknowledge that how you react is out of my control, i'd invite you to think of this space as a practice in witnessing the human experience. if you're uncomfortable, i likely am as well. feel free to leave at any time. i won't hold it against you. how ever you choose to engage with this content is totally up to you. goes without saying, but here it is just in case.

if it's for me, myself, & i, why am i choosing to share it? i dunno. maybe to feel less alone? i dance along the spectrum between remaining mysterious and oversharing. i do know that it takes courage to let yourself be seen. & i guess i'm working on letting myself be seen.

i’ll try to keep the sarcasm out of my voice but to be completely honest, it’s a defence mechanism and it feels like i’m going into battle with my vulnerability again. i'm sitting with discomfort and whoo boy. it's a lot. at my core, i am a deeply feeling person. however, it’s been a minute since i’ve let my guard down. hopefully, this changes that.

anyway. glad you're here. drink some water. i'll see ya in the funny pages.